Slowing Down...and meeting Dealer Dan

Today was one of those summer days when the sun is shining brightly but there is a sweet and cool breeze in the air...in other words, a perfectly blissful kind of day for slowing down and enjoying all the simple pleasures of summer. The sky is that hue of blue you lose yourself in...and there are cottony, billowy cloudscapes blowing by like a silent movie of shapes and forms to contemplate. The wind chime on my front porch is tinkling non-stop reminding me that unseen energies, like the wind, are always hard at work.

I found myself actually having fun folding clothes, chopping up colorful fresh vegetables, opening all the windows in the house and listening to the curtains flapping, watering flowers, and just generally puttering about my sun-drenched house and porch. I love these kinds of days...when my energy can catch up yet I can still enjoy the activities I am immersed in. Painting benches, framing art work, planning projects, writing and drawing, tidying up, decluttering...all of these simple activities calm and restore me.

That all being said today was ripe for an adventure of sorts. My energy and mood was calm yet open...

My 11 year old son and I hit some country roads up near the Wisconsin border. Earlier in the week I had seen a small "shop" literally on the side of the road about the size of a backyard shed with a big sign on it that said "Shield's Grocery." I thought I'd get Keaton excited about visiting "the world's smallest grocery store." "Really?" he said. "It really is?" he asked. "Well, we shall see...I think so..." was my reply.

There was a small cardboard sign perched on a chair propping the door open and it said "Fresh Asparagus. Sweet Corn Soon." Promising my son an ice cream from a big old fashioned freezer or maybe a root beer in a bottle from an old soda machine, he seemed game.

I don't know why but we were both excited as we walked up to "the world's smallest grocery store" - what would await us inside? We imagined all sorts of goodies...penny candy, farm fresh veggies, homemade sauces and salsas, old ceiling fans swishing the air about, some canned goods, and maybe even some old fashioned toys for some summer fun. Ok, so I'm quite the nostalgic type.

Imagine our surprise when we walked into, yes, it was actually a shed...full of tools, tackle boxes, saw horses, hunting knives, and other paraphernalia of this sort. Shelves and shelves of it. There was barely any room to walk. Fishing poles, life jackets, oars, and cigarette memorabilia everywhere. But...before you think that we embarassed ourselves walking into someone's shed on the side of the road, let me tell you that there was a glass-topped counter at the back and a friendly, smiling broadly, gentle old man behind it. Alas, it was indeed a "store" -- whew! -- but not for groceries...

My son was thrilled...everything in the shed was actually for sale. Upon closer inspection we found small paintings of eagles and pheasants, antique coins, glass milk bottles, fishing lures, keys and locks, election buttons from decades and decades ago, police badges, silver spoons, and more...

The old man behind the counter spoke...he was loud, louder than any adult I've heard in a long, long time. But he was chipper, gregarious...really glad we stopped in. He informed us right away he was sold out of asparagus and no sweet corn would be in sight for awhile. However, he had three different varieties of locally produced honey. "That there jar is from Belli's Farm right up there on 21..." and "Oh, that one's from the farm you just passed on the main highway...they got all kinds of things going on there..." and "And that one is from Hollister's -- they just started producing and they've been in the local paper..." My son and I knowingly looked at each other. There wasn't much else we'd be buying from the shed (or so we thought at that moment in time)so we put one jar of honey from each of the three farms onto the counter.

Ok, so we had driven 30 minutes to this little place...we had to make our drive worthwhile. We had to be polite and take a good look-see. We found a cigar box full of keys and locks much to my son's delight. He collects both keys and locks. So we dumped the contents out on the counter and started sorting "cool" keys and "not so cool" keys. Same for the locks. At 25 cents a piece for the keys and $1.oo each for the locks, well, why not? Twelve keys made it to the "keep" pile along with 3 locks.

Next up, the coins, political buttons, and tons of other assortments. Meanwhile, the old man continued to converse with us. "WHATCHA DOIN' FOR THE SUMMER?" he asked loudly of my son. "OH, YOU PLAY BASEBALL? WHERE? WHAT POSITION?" and "WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?" and "HOW OLD ARE YOU?" and "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE KEYS?" (Loud.)

Then he said to my son "Ya see this here key? When were you born? Well, this key was made nearly 100 years before you then." So we bought that one, too.

Meanwhile, I laid the small paintings of the eagle and the pheasant on the counter. Cute and kitcshy - definitely have to snatch those up, each was only about 4x4 inches large. My son picked up a police star, the kind you see pinned to the chest of a man in uniform...and asked the old man "Is this real?" and the old man said "WELL, YEAH, IT'S REAL!!!!" (Real loud.) Honestly, all three of us laughed a good one at that.

It came time to settle up and make our payment for our purchases. Thirty bucks later (!!!!) it was time to hit the road and find an ice cream and a cool, iced root beer in a bottle. Asparagus would have to wait for another "adventure" of sorts to the local supermarket. While I wrote out my check, the old man gave me his card and encouraged us to "stop by for a chat again real soon sometime." His name was "Dealer Dan" and the name of the "shed" was not Shield's Grocery but instead "Wads-It-Worth ~ Dealer Dan's Antiques, Collectibles & Doo-Dads" -- What a great name! We had most certainly wandered into a "doo-dad" shop. My son spent the rest of the day saying the word "doo-dad" over and over again. You know, at first glance it appeared to be a small farm stand along the side of the road...then it was "just someone's shed full of stuff" as my son had whispered to me, and then it transformed into Dealer Dan's Doodad Shop...

It was not too long ago that I felt I had left most of my dreams along the side of the road, like the little white shed. Dreams I thought I could never retrieve and rebirth...but the experience today with Dealer Dan, he with his huge smile and a glint in his eyes, a spirit in his heart and a loving kindness towards whoever appeared at his door, showed me that what is lost can be found...it's there, waiting for you...on the side of the road. And in all the joy one can find in summer's simple pleasures and an open heart ready for an adventure...

"...the unexpected is a gift...be open to receiving..."

A Little Bird Told Me: Encourage One Another and Build Each Other Up

"Encourage one another and build each other up."

Recently I had the occasion to witness both a tragic yet uplifting example of this Bible verse from I Thessalonians in action right outside the front door of my ex-husband's current home.

I had escorted him to the hospital earlier that morning and had just then dropped him off at home following a minor but necessary out-patient surgery. En route to the house, from the driveway, we heard and then saw a delicate, tiny baby robin squawking in the grass under a crabapple tree. Its beak was wide open begging for food, one of its infantile wings attempting to flutter. It was completely helpless and dependent and it was clearly suffering.

My ex-husband scooped up the baby robin and as I pulled back one of the main branches of the crabapple tree, to locate the nest, we were both absolutely horrified to see what awaited us there. First, there was a beautiful mud bowl of a perfectly round nest artfully resting in the crook of the main branches...secure, tight, and a sound piece of architecture. Inside it, two more baby robins, chirping and peeping, their beaks peering out of the nest's edge, gaping wide open.

The nest had the usual mixture of robin nest construction materials...mud, long strands of grass and reed, small sticks. But one ingredient of the nest was, at least to me, new and unusual. The nest's construction sported several swags of neon green netting wrapped around it's outer shape, like a scarf, with dangling bits that hung down. It was the kind of netting you see that is spread over new grass seed and straw. The netting keeps the straw securely covering the delicate sprouts of new grass so that it doesn't blow away leaving the new growth vulnerable. While that is a noble service, the netting unfortunately turned out to be a killer in the nest....

It was exactly what its name implied...

A net....

For beneath the nest, to our absolute horror, there hung a lifeless and rigid male robin, dead, its claw tangled in the netting. We struggled to regain our composure ~ it was shocking and completely sad to see this. First we were contending with this defenseless baby robin crying out for food and rescue, and now a dead parent bird swinging head down in the tree branches...and two more babies in the nest awaiting their next meal.

I cannot even describe the anxiety I began to feel...

Birds, as many of you know, are my totem animal, my power animal, my spirit animal...I have adored birds since I was a child waiting at the end of our driveway for the school bus to arrive. For years I observed their antics in the ditch and on the split-rail fence across the street that bordered the farm and field -- I watched the "Little Birds" flit from rail to rail trying out their wings. I watched them dart in and out of the tall grasses chirping to one another. I watched them swoop and soar, exercising their hearts, their wings, and all the while singing as they did so. And as a little girl, I secretly named myself Little Bird because I felt like one of them...always trying my wings, but needing the safety of my nest...and always in my mind flitting here and there, but never landing anywhere I could stay for too long.

So here we stood with one dying bird in our hand...gazing dumbfounded at a dead one hanging from the tree. In its struggle to free itself and survive, it had obviously flung itself about to wrest its claw from the trap of the net. In vain, it had broken its neck.

My heart was pounding and I felt panic ensue. We put the baby back into the nest and then we sadly cut the adult male down from its ghastly entrapment. My ex-husband got a shovel and dug into the earth to find worms which he then hand-fed to the babies -- each of whom hungrily gobbled them up.

It was at this time that we noticed another adult robin, sitting on the rooftop of a neighboring house. It was obvious that it had food in its beak and was anxious for us to leave the scene. We wondered if somehow this robin was on its way to the nest. Was it the mother? It was a smaller robin that the one we had just cut down. We watched from inside the house and sure enough it landed on the ground near the tree and then hopped inside it. The chirping ceased momentarily and then started up again as the bird flew off...

It returned only minutes later with more food for the hungry babies.

It was then that I recalled this favorite verse of mine. "Encourage one another and build each other up." I felt enormous relief that the baby robins would be cared for and saved.

Again, I thought of how we had just had a powerful "life and death" animal encounter, a spiritual encounter, with a power animal.

The robin is a symbol, of course, for Spring. Spring is for new life, renewal, starting again, and the inevitable confusion that comes with endings and beginnings. It has been several years since my divorce and the amicable and helpful relationship I have with my son's father is often confusing to people. The fact that I would take him to surgery and attend to his needs post-procedure baffled some. Yet he had done the same for me several months earlier when I had needed outpatient surgery.

It never occurred to me that just because we are divorced we would not be helpful people to each other going forward. Afterall, we co-parent a beautiful son together. Apparently, however, there are some who think we should proceed otherwise and limit contact with each other. Seeing the second robin come to the aid and rescue in feeding and caring for the babies made me realize it is ok to keep helping a person even after your "formal" relationship with him or her ends or is severed, or "dies" somehow. The dead robin seemed to me to symbolize the end of a chapter in both of our lives...the caregiving robin seemed to symbolize the new energy between us.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple but stunning or bittersweet example in our daily lives to remind us of what we already know deep inside. This is why I am keenly fond of the phrase "...a little bird told me..." I am so grateful for the affirmation that the whole family of robins gave me that morning.

"Encourage one another and build each other up." I Thessalonians 5:11

After the storm, gifts....

It was a wild Friday night here in Chicago! Severe thunderstorms, lightning shows across the sky, torrential downpours, trees and powerlines down, flooding and roads closed. As if that wasn't bad enough, next came tornado warnings, sirens blowing, fire engines and squad cars...and many a stalled cars amidst trees whipping in the wind.

And all the while my friend, Dawn, (don't you love her name?) and I were driving in all this on the way to our first quincenara for our friend's twin daughters. We did arrive safely to our destination. We were late, of course, having to contend with all this -- and soaking wet in our dresses and heels. The wind was blowing the rain sideways by now and the parking lot was holding several inches of water. But, still, onward we went knowing that dinner, drinks, and dancing would soon take our minds off the treacherous conditions outside.

The evening was wonderful and I got home rather late. By now the storm had subsided and my headlights could illuminate some of its remnants lying on the ground. Back at home though, the neighborhood was pitch black dark, of course, and therefore I was unknowing of what had happened in my own backyard during the storm. Despite the lateness of the hour, I logged on anyway to check my various networking sites just to see if someone might want to chat. Though it was late I didn't feel like turning in just yet. But internet was down and my landline phone was out, too. So it was off to dreamland...despite my inner protestations.

When I awoke on Saturday morning I could not believe what I was seeing literally in my back yard. What is normally a large field of grass was now a HUGE lake...yes, this spot of land is a water retention area but I've never, ever seen it so full of water...it was, literally, a LAKE. Beautiful mature trees were standing in the middle of it...it's edges reached almost to the fence of my yard.

It was beautiful....but there was more beauty to come...I didn't know that yet...since I had to discover it....

As I went about my morning rituals, I saw that a solitary egret had arrived. Followed by several mallards and even more geese. These glorious waterbirds were taking flight, then gliding over the water, and then performing their soft and graceful landings...one after the other, like an airport on water. They were loving it! It was a new playground for them, a new place for them to explore. The egret waded in the shallows quietly observing the fancifulness of the other birds. It really was a beautiful performance.

I quietly hustled myself out there to take some photos of the egret - so majestic white it stood in the shallows of this new water source. I was only able to capture one photo of it in repose before it took off in flight and graced me with a wingspan of fluttering and flapping sheer white that left me breathless.

I went back inside and readied my home for a gathering of ladies who would arrive later in the day. But the water kept calling me back...the sun glistening on this new scenic vista outside my window create a jewel-like effect. You have to understand...I live in the middle of the Chicago suburbs...this is unusual for us surrounded by so much of the subdivision concrete!

This Sunday morning, the new lake is now smaller in size, but it is still magnificent. Barefoot, I went outside to explore and took my camera. I could not believe what I was finding...

There were feathers EVERYWHERE. Feathers are one of my very favorite things in this world. They are the Universal symbol for Truth. And they were everywhere. Black ones, white ones, gray ones, of all shapes and sizes....right away I knew this would be a very special little adventure. I would be finding some "truths" here.

Next I discovered that a flock of seven robins were gathered together eating from the soggy grass. They seemed to be delirious with joy in their new food source. And, there were seven mallards on the lake...swimming in parade-like fashion, one after the other, round and round....their honking had woken me up earlier at 7 a.m. through my open windows...Their gentle gliding to and fro, so unhurried, was surely a message to slow down, take your time, and enjoy the ride.

Seven robins....seven mallards....Hmmmm. This had to be signifcant. Seven, of course, is the number of stages of transition I've identified in my book, The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight. And we all know that seven is a magical number for many, many reasons. But seven robins and seven mallards....what, then, could this gift mean?

As I walked the circumference of this new "lake" I found that I was really taken with the trees standing in the middle of all this water, their trunks immersed. There were several sets of trees like this and I started to photograph them. But it was a pair of trees that, when I saw what they were "saying" to me, I felt lightheaded, like a bolt of lightning from the storm had just hit me, like my heart skipped a beat...

These two clusters of trees standing upright in the middle of the water...they were saying "this lake is for you...and all the gifts that have come with it...they are all for you...there are messages here for you to see, learn from, absorb, and have faith in..." See? There were "truths" to be revealed.

The trunks of the trees, along with the reflections that they created on the water's surface, perfectly and without a doubt, created MY INITIALS -- a double "K" -- it was as plain as day....I could see it like I could see my hand. I could feel the Universe saying "With this storm, let's deliver a gift to KK." Suddenly, the lake became "mine" though I know others will most surely enjoy it. Suddenly, the egret and those seven ducks and those seven robins became mystical companions to me.

And suddenly I knew that once again the Universe always delivers to you EXACTLY what you need when you need it. It is all about trust. Trust that you will be taken care of, that your needs will be met, that you are loved no matter what, that prayers are heard AND answered, that every day is a gift full of gifts, and that life on this planet is precious and we are privileged every day that we are here to partake in what life brings us.

It was a moment when I felt for sure that I was sitting in the palm of God's hand....to see the Double K...it was a moment of deep grace and inspiration for me. I've been attached to my initials my whole life...and never changed my name as I aged and wed. There they were...on this new found body of water.

So what did the lake and it's messages mean? Why were they sent to me? I looked up the Animal Medicine for each of the animals I encountered this morning. What I would find would once again fill my heart with gladness, recovery, and deep peace.

The robin -- harbinger of spring, new life, new growth. Seven of them. The song of the robin is very mystical -- it recognizable almost as soon as the warmth of the spring sun appears. The song is used to mark territory even though it is considered a song of cheer. When robins appear en masse in one's life, it reflects a need to "sing your own song" and pave your own way to new growth.

The duck -- symbols of emotional comfort and protection. Seven of them. Ducks help us remember to navigate with ease the waters of our life. Ducks come to tell us it is time to shed the feelings of discomfort with people in your life and to find others who are more like-minded in spirit. Ducks also remind us to return home to those places inside ourselves where we feel most safe and protected.

So the robin and the duck brought me messages today of balance....striking out, singing my own own song, but returning to realms of comfort. Wow, that was really a gracious message.

The egret -- the egret's medicine is about learning to be self-reliant and assertive about entering deeper waters without fear. They teach about learning to stand on your own two feet. They send reminders about independence.

I have to say that I needed to hear all three of these messages on this particular morning of my life. I love how the Universe flows and brings to our spirit what it needs for restoration and inspiration. For me, there is spirituality and God's presence in all of nature. Animals and all of the elements have so much to teach us when we encounter them with awareness and symbolic sight.

I share this story with you not because I want to single myself out as "special" but because I want to encourage all of you, if you are not in the habit of doing so yet, to see with symbolic sight, to speak more often in metaphor, to look every single day of your life for the gifts it brings you, to find the peace the Universe so often delivers if we only could receive it. Many times we feel that the days all blur and run together. "Same old, same old" we say. But every day there is a message waiting for you to uncover. Sometimes the most ordinary days are the best kind.

Peace to all of you who are reading this today. May you find today's gifts flourishing deeply in your heart like I have. See the signs and rejoice!

"...there are teachers everywhere...the day is full of gifts...look, listen, feel..."

Need Some New Energy? Try a Smudging....

Whenever I am in need of some new energy, a new twist on things, or getting rid of a sour spell of inactivity and dour mood, I get out my smudge stick and clay pot...and I "do a smudging..."

Smudging is a Native American ceremony, or ritual, of burning herbs to cleanse away old energy in order to bring in new energy. The idea is that by burning a smudge stick made of dried herbs (bound together with simple string) and then moving it around a specific object, person or place -- such as a room or area in a home -- the gently wafting smoke carries negative energy away leaving new opportunity for positive energy to enter.

Smudge sticks are available in many varieties and easily obtained on the internet. Different herbs offer different kinds of energies to invite into your space. I use one of dried sage and lavendar. The herbs, as plants, represent the element of Earth.

Typically, smudge sticks are burned in one of two different kinds of "pots" -- clay pots or abalone shells. The pot is used to collect any ashes that might fall from the stick as well as to extinguish the stick at the close of the smudging. An abalone or shell pot represents the element of Water for the concept of Life. Smudge pots are also easily obtained on the internet and there are wonderful selections to choose from.

I use a red clay pot from the island of Antigua that I found over 20 years ago. When I first found it on the island, I had no idea what I would use it for. But I loved its deep red color, its simple shape, and the fact that a local potter had made it by literally digging up the clay earth from his local setting. For years it was packed away, I rarely had it out on display. But when I got divorced and moved to my new home as a mid-life single mom, I found it in one of my boxes and out it came. It was perfect for the smudge sticks I had received as gifts from friends ~ red earth clay for grounding, red earth clay that had been surrounded by water on an island. Now my smudge kit was complete.

For me smudging is about breaking a cycle of dead energy, starting anew, bringing new life and new ideas and new people into a situation that has been dormant. It is also about clearing away negative thoughts, patterns, actions, and routines. Shaking things up. Out with the old. In with the new. It's about anticipation, excitement, setting intentions, making wishes, clarifying dreams, having goals, and asking for the Universe for manifestation. I love smudging because I can feel somewhere deep inside me the glory and the beauty of this ritual...I feel powerful when I am smudging. I feel sacred. I feel connection. And I know good things are coming because of it.

When you begin to smudge, the remaining two elements are invoked...Fire and Air. As you light the end of the smudge stick, there is Fire. Fire is about courage, passion, and strength. As the stick gently burns, the soft, billowy smoke rises and curls into the Air. This is for the space where all of our dreams, thoughts, and wishes reside. Now all of the four elements are represented. There is balance. All that is needed now is your own spirit to guide you through the process of smudging.

So you see smudging is intense but it is good. When the smoke starts to burn and it is wafting through your space, there is indeed a new energy, a sense of calm anticipation, that ensues. Before I begin, I always set the stage, so to speak. I clear my mind with meditation and I begin to reflect on the changes I want to incur in my life at that time. I carefully and specifically invoke exactly what I want the smudging to bring...

My first smudging was three years when I moved into my new home, where I live now. I deeply wanted the smudging as a way to bless my new living space, to clear out the old energy of its past inhabitants, and to make new wishes, dreams, and invitations for what would take place in my new life and in my new home for me and my little boy. I was single now and had big dreams for what was to come.

I invited six of my very best girlfriends to join in the ritual with me. A friend of mine led the smudging. To prepare I had made a list of intentions that I wanted to come true for each room of my new home. For example, I had been very isolated in my old neighborhood and feeling a strong lack of soul connection with neighbors. As we smudged my new living room I invoked it to be a place where new friends would gather, soulful conversation and good times would take place, there would be joy and companionship, and new relationships and friendships would be forged in this space. It felt so good to set these intentions, to be purposeful about it, and to be clear. As I watched the smoke dance about the room, I imagined old feelings of loneliness and despair leaving my body. As the smoke dissipated and eventually disappeared, I imagined new feelings of camaraderie, bonding and connection take hold.

At the front door, as my friend smudged the entry way, we released all negative energy existing in the home from prior occupants into the open air outside, and we invited in love, peace, harmony, safety, security, warmth, protection, and happiness through the front door and into the house. At this time, I also asked for special saints and goddesses to come live with me and my son.

In my son's bedroom, as we wafted the lit stick around his new room, the smoke curled about and created delicate swirls and designs in the air. I asked the Universe at this time to help my son heal through the divorce, to sleep well and grow healthy in this room, to have fun with his friends in this room, to enjoy his playthings, to feel safe and secure in this room, to feel that it was a place of comfort and security for him, that he would love being in it and that his happiness and health would continue to flourish here....

Similar intentions followed for every room of the house...I asked for creativity, new ideas, new skill sets, and new dedication and resolve in the room that would become my art studio. I asked for health, good food, good habits, good times, and a feeling of ease in my kitchen, a room I am most often stressed in, where I often feel the least confident and the least comfortable.

We even did the attic, the garage, and the crawl space...out with the old, in with the new....each friend took a turn smudging some area of the house...there was a tone of seriousness but also lightheartedness ~ this was a new beginning and my friends were happy and excited for me.

We opened every cupboard door, every closet, ever drawer...and allowed the smudge smoke to waft in and out....clearing away anything negative gathering and hiding in the corners of these little and often overlooked spaces in a home.

As the smoke drifted throughout the house, it was filled with the pungent but warm and luxurious scent of sage and lavendar. It was heady and delightful. When we got to my bedroom, all of my friends and I gathered in a circle and each one of us received an individual smudging. My friend who led the smudging wafted the stick around each of us one at a time, starting from head to toe, and as she did so, each of us meditated and reflected on our own personal journeys, wishes, and dreams....inviting in newness and releasing what was no longer needed.

This particular smudging took about an hour to complete. It was strong and potent and I did see many changes come to fruition over the next two years. I wrote, illustrated and published my book, The Pinwheel Girls Takes Flight, after having found a new sense of energy, creativity, and determination. I made new friends and new, helpful, interesting people entered my life. I feel, still to this day, a deep sense of calm, serenity, and peace in my home...each time I enter through the door, the house, it seems to hug me, deeply and with much happiness when I arrive. My son is thriving and happy, healed and optimistic about his future. I eat well, I have lost weight, I sleep well, and I've become healthier living here. I feel safe physically and emotionally. Negative people don't enter ~ there's isn't a place for them here. And most of all, I feel that I am doing here what I set out to do...starting anew, making my wishes and dreams come true, being who I was meant to be, and thriving.

You don't have to have a major life transition in order to do a smudging. You can do one any time you feel like it but I tend to pick certain times. My birthday. A full moon. The New Year. An anniversary of something significant. Or just when I have the funky blues or I'm in a rut about something. You don't have to do your entire house either! Just one room, one area, one object, just yourself, a doorway, a closet....anything you want to "clear out" will do.

If you are needing some new energy to enter your life, try a smudging...have fun with it, but give it the seriousness and careful reflection it needs. Why? You'll get what you wish for. So be specific, make it good and right for you.

Photo Caption: My smudge pot, smudge stick, and a feather to help waft the smoke...

"...you are bigger than life...reaching, expanding, connecting..."
Stage 5, The Pinwheel Girl Ascends