Pink Roses, A Windmill, St. Therese, and a Pinwheel

I found out today – on my birthday -- that yesterday, October 1, was the Feast of St. Therese. It is also her birthday. Though I’m not Catholic, I consider St. Therese to be one of my patron saints.

She had tuberculosis as a young woman and died of it at age 24 -- she was a “highly sensitive person” and as a child she was prone to fits and tantrums because she wanted to express herself and often couldn’t do so with clarity. Born into a very devout French family, she was also deeply empathic and passionate – her spirituality was highly evolved even as a young child. Her father called her “Little Queen.” She became a Carmelite nun at the age of 15 after begging the Pope to allow her entry to the convent despite her youth. On her deathbed she said that she would spend her time in Heaven "doing good on earth" and that she would send a "shower of roses” to whoever asked for her aid. She is usually depicted with pink roses and she is known as the “Little Flower,” a name she gave herself. She saw herself as a simple and small wildflower – unnoticed by many yet blossoming before God. She is also known for her spiritual contribution called “the little way” – acts of kindness, compassion, taking one step at a time, patience, humility, and practicing holiness through small sacrifices – these all embody “the little way” towards growing your spirituality.

I first “met” St. Therese when I got divorced. It was the first time in my life that I had to live on my own – like many girls I had left my family home and gone straight to a marital home. Sure, I lived “alone” in college, but I had roommates and certainly didn’t have to maintain a home and be “responsible” like I had to be when my marriage ended and I became a full-time working single mother in the middle of my life.

I will be honest with everyone. Despite my intelligence and career success, I had many fears if I could do it. I’ve received messages all my life that I’m not capable of taking care of myself. That I stink at household duties like laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning. Accustomed to hearing the idea that I needed someone to look after me, interestingly, I married a man who did the laundry, cooking, shopping, and cleaning. I could never seem to figure out how to manage these things skillfully. If someone else wanted to do them and was good at them, that was fine with me. Now mind you, I could actually do the laundry but not very well and it always seemed stressful and a struggle. Cooking just seemed out of the question. My brain just couldn’t wrap itself around the multitude of tasks it required. Grocery stores thoroughly overwhelm me. So I was naturally very afraid to be all alone for the very first time and have to do these things without any “help.” I felt very alone, without a compass, so to speak, and I was dreadfully fearful that I wouldn’t make it. I’d starve, I’d never have clean clothes, and everything would be a jumbled up mess. Worst of all, it would mean that all the “messages” I’d received about myself as being dependent and helpless – and worse, “lazy” -- were true.

Everything’s Coming Up Roses…

But here’s the thing: When I moved to my new little house, pink roses kept showing up. I had never been a fan of pink roses before and at first I didn’t notice them. But people would buy me a gift for my new home and it’d have pink roses on it – plates for the wall, little dishes for the coffee table, cocktail napkins, framed pictures, pillows for the couch. Pink roses were everywhere. They were even in the new kitchen dishes I’d chosen, the living room curtains, and the housewarming cards that filled my mailbox. That Fall my birthday came and more pink roses arrived - from the florist, on birthday cards, in stationery and note cards, and china salt-and-pepper shakers. I was literally surrounded with them. I had never been attracted to roses before. Never had a "rose" in my house before I moved. And now here they were everywhere.

Shortly after my birthday, I went to a psychic to get a reading for the coming year, the first year of my new life on my own in the new house. The first thing she said when I sat down in front of her was "What's with all the roses?"

Seeing the look of shock come over my face, she told me that St. Therese was sending me a message. I had never heard of her. I did some research on her and found out about her tuberculosis, her childhood, her visions, and her deathbed promise. I suddenly knew that I would be okay. That I was not alone. That St. Therese had come not just to visit me but also to live with me and keep me company now that I was on my own. She also had come to tell me I was going to be and to do just fine on my own and to take heart, to cultivate my courage. She literally, through the roses, reminded me that I was going to survive and be okay.

What I did not know was that another, deeper connection was soon to reveal itself between St. Therese and I…

That weekend for the first time in a long time I went on a road trip by myself and stopped at an antique store on the side of the road. The first thing that caught my eye sitting on a table just inside the door was a still-life of a vase of pink roses beautifully framed in old silver. The vase of pink roses had a blue, Dutch-style windmill painted on it. I bought it for the pink roses and put it on my dresser next to my bed.

I felt that when I found the old print it was another message from St. Therese to just keep going and to trust myself and that even though I felt completely alone and often uncared for, kind of lost and bewildered, I really wasn't. And so life went on and I learned how to do my laundry without stress and fretting. I have worked out simple meal plans for my son and I which also makes the grocery shopping more manageable, and I have a housekeeper to help me with the cleaning up.

It wasn’t until a few years later that my then 86-year-old mother revealed that she had been born in a windmill in rural England. Imagine my surprise and the feelings of synchronicity I experienced at finding out that my grandmother, who I never met, birthed my mother in a windmill just like the one on the vase. And that my grandmother died 8 years later of tuberculosis while my mother was just a young girl. I also had tuberculosis as a young child at the age of four. Here then was a deeper connection to the pink roses in the vase with the windmill on it. St. Therese was there for my grandmother, too, and my mother. And now me. In my research of St. Therese, I had discovered that she is also the patron saint for those who are suffering with or who have had tuberculosis. And I, too, had some French lineage on my maternal side.

We are all connected…

When I look at that print of the vase of pink roses with the little windmill on it, I feel a tremendous sense of connectedness. Connectedness to my grandmother, who died long ago, before I was ever born or a part of any plan. Connectedness to my mother who was birthed in a windmill – a universal symbol for power, movement, energy, and life itself. Connectedness to St. Therese who continues to this day to honor her promise to all of humanity to shower them with her love and companionship through “the little ways” and through “showers of roses.” And connectedness to my own powers of observation, symbol knowledge, and being open enough to admit my weaknesses and accept the unexpected sources of strength that embolden me.

And so here is the other thing: I am writing all of this because yesterday, on October 1, a woman in Scotland who I have never met and who recently purchased a copy of The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight, sent me virtual “pink roses” for my birthday through Facebook. I doubt if this lovely lady knew of the deep significance this might have on me. After a spiritual boot camp kind of year, I thought “there she is again, coming to remind me that she’s here…that I am okay, that I am loved…” I smiled to myself and felt a spiritual hug from St. Therese and a huge sense of gratitude to the lady in Scotland. When I e-mailed her and asked how she knew my favorite flower was the pink rose her response was: “It’s the pinwheel energy!” Again, I received chills. Pinwheels are just a smaller version of the windmill.

Pinwheels for Peace…

How can I explain this well enough for you to understand? Pinwheels are also for peace. And my grandmother’s name was “Olive” --- which means “peace.”

I always say “…there are teachers everywhere...” and indeed this is one of the core messages of The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight. Be open to receiving…even in your darkest days, when you are at your most lonely, when you are despairing, feeling hopeless, or otherwise less confident than you usually are. Look at what is showing up in your life and pay attention. The Universe always delivers what we need…sometimes it arrives in the simplest of forms. Like a pink rose, the turn of a card, an old antique print, a windmill, and even a pinwheel.

Cook Yourself Up an Authentic Life

The Pinwheel Girl Recipe for Living!

Ingredients:
3 Cups of Courage from making your way in the dark
1 Cup of Self-Respect earned from pointing things out
½ Cup of Awareness honed by seeing with symbolic sight
2 Tblsp of Inner Strength gained from deep knowing
1 Tsp of Faith gathered from confident observation
1 Sprinkle of Intuition from listening to your Inner Voice
1 Big Dream claimed from the depths of your Heart

Prepare ingredients with an open mind. Preheat Heart to 375 degrees. Check temperature often. Freezing is not recommended for optimal results. Measure & combine all seven ingredients. Mix well. Carefully pour mixture into a mold of your choice. Bake thoroughly through all seven stages of transition. Check frequently for doneness. When done, let cool. Decorate as desired.

Serves one woman & all of humanity. Share with family & friends.

Inspired by The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight ~ Every Woman's Journey Through Seven Stages of Transformation. http://www.pinwheelgirls.com
Feel the breeze!

Aren't We All Trying To Recover From Something?

September is National Recovery Month. Isn't that an interesting thought? NATIONAL Recovery Month. Wouldn't it be something if every single one of us across the country was able to participate in this month of celebration? Afterall, aren't we all trying to recover from something? And aren't we all trying to recover something we have lost?

This month I had the honor and pleasure to offer "Words of Inspiration" to twenty women graduating from addiction and substance abuse as they embarked on a new beginning of sobriety and fresh hope. The local Women's Center dedicated to women's transformation, healing and recovery was packed with over 100 people in attendance to witness the graduation ceremony and welcome women of all ages back to themselves, their families, and their communities. Counselors and caseworkers, child welfare advocates, judges and probation personnel, police officers, mayors, and agency professionals all gathered to commemorate this momentous occasion.

This is the third time I have attended graduation services at the Women's Center and I have to say that it is the best day of the year for me. I like it better than Christmas and my own birthday. Each year that I have attended this remarkable event I get to see firsthand the power of transformation, the glory of reunion, and the unbridled healing of love. The connectedness that exists in that room is so palpable it penetrates every cell in my body. There is a wonderful collective human spirit that rejoices when one of its own finally comes home, when one of its lost is found, and one of its wounded is healed.

There was laughing, crying, singing, hugging, dancing, clapping, sighing, cheering, and downright glorious fun to feel that good with one's journey. The camaraderie and feeling of community is second to none. And each time I attend I am reminded of the work I still have to do in my own life...how I must continue to recover, rebuild, redo, rework, reclaim, restore, rebirth, and rediscover my true Self and create my own Life...

I usually come away with several key thoughts each time I attend this precious event:

That Love is the most powerful force in the Universe and that it is Love, not Time, which heals all wounds.

That inspiration can be found anywhere -- even in the eyes of a broken soul who is struggling, miserably failing, yet still willing to create her own salvation no matter how grueling that may be to do.

That anything is possible. Truly it is.

That courage must be cultivated - DAILY.

That the doorway to healing is hidden in the PAIN, waiting for us to use it to bust open our heart so that we can rebuild it again stronger and more sacred still.

That saving ONE LIFE often saves an entire FAMILY. And saving one family often saves MANY MORE - and so on until an entire community is reborn. That the people who work in the field of substance abuse treatment are indeed saving lives, saving families and saving communities. When I think of this, I am humbly reduced to tears of admiration.

That every action matters. It really does. Every action matters. Never doubt for a second that any kind thing you do is in vain. It is not.

That every woman is a WOMAN OF WORTH no matter how much she struggles or disappoints you.

But most of all, I come away with the solid stand that EVERY WOMAN is capable of transformation, no matter what her circumstances, no matter what her background, her color, her educational status, her income, her faith or lack of it, or the depths of her pain. It matters not what others think of her. It matters not how society labels her. It only matters that she is capable of transformation...of reunion with her deepest and truest Self...of finding her way back.

These women in recovery are all role models for all of us. They are role models of sheer stamina, commitment to one's Self, survival, the most noble humility, and outstanding courage and bravery. No longer can I allow minor nuisances to annoy me and stun me and petty fears to stop me in my tracks. I must be strong and ever committed to a true reunion with my Self just like the women in recovery are that I met this month. Afterall, aren't we all trying to conquer our demons? Aren't we all trying to make our way in the dark? They are role models for me as I struggle to recover all that I lost, and all that is yet to be.

All this, and more, in a mere few hours on my favorite day of the year. To the women in recovery I say "You are not who you think you are. You are so much more." Thank you.

Let's all join in National Recovery Month -- let's all start working on finding what we have lost.

Photo Caption: Kendra Kett, second from left, celebrates National Recovery Month with the fantastic staff at the local Women's Services Substance Abuse Recovery Program.

Pinwheel for Peace ~ Peace is At Work Everyday ~ An Unseen Energy

In honor of International Peace Day 2009 I made this Pinwheel Power Symbol for Peace. The pinwheel is a universal symbol for change, transformation and transition. As the wind turns its blades, we are reminded of the unseen energies hard at work in our lives and in the world. When messages are attached to the blades of the pinwheel, the wind sends them into the world with each turn of the pinwheel. This pinwheel reflects on the idea that in order for World Peace to occur, we must each focus as individuals on our desire for inner peace and the absence of conflict within. If we want peace, we must choose it over conflict.

I chose key words like "Imagine Goodness," "Home," "Responsibility," and "Protection" for the pinwheel blades along with images of children, nature and animals.

"...peace is within reach..."

Feel the breeze.

Teachers Appear in Our Own Backyard Helping Navigate the Unexpected

So the other day, as I was cleaning up my Pinwheel Girl workroom, I saw a huge flash of BLACK out of the corner of my eye coming through the patio doors from outside in the backyard…

Something told to me to turn around and look, and as I did, I saw a second flash of BLACK….this one was even wider than the first.

The flashes of black were crows that had come to land on the fence posts enclosing my back yard. At first, you know, I was in awe…they were just so majestic perched there on the posts. And, wow, you know? There were TWO. Cool.

But a third one soon arrived. This one perched itself, first with its wings fully open from flight, onto a post on the other side of the fence…adjacent to the first two crows. This really made me take notice. Three crows were perched on my fence. I’d never seen a crow that up close before…and hadn’t realized the enormity of their size. They were imposing, but magnetic. Can you imagine three crows perched on your fence posts? It seemed , in a way, too good to be true.

"Wow, I should get my camera,” I thought. “I’m having a Crow encounter.” But then the three of them started to caw really loudly, and then one by one, each crow started flying towards something in the grass, flitting in and out, swooping down and up, over and over again, only to return time and again to their post. Then, to begin again within seconds the barrage of cawing, swooping, and flitting in and out of the grass.

I stepped out onto my deck to see what was happening and noticed a fourth crow in the birch tree directly in this area of my yard. It was observing more or less rather than participating. And then I saw a fifth crow perched high in my neighbor’s cottonwood tree – it also appeared to be “on guard.”

FIVE CROWS. “Hmmm. Something is happening here.“ Instantly, I started thinking about the number “5,” the significance of Crow animal medicine, and the sound of the “caw.”

But…to my horror, my BUNNY, who was out in the yard during all of this commotion, was the supposed target of all this crow activity. And there she was chasing them here and there, to and fro, til they returned to the fence posts. She was doggedly determined to chase them off, she flitted and darted, stopped and started. She even successfully chased one out into the open field behind my house. But they persevered in their attack on her…yet I could see her body running swiftly, outstretched legs, eyes wide open, chasing, chasing, chasing.

“Whatever is the matter,” I wondered. “What is this craziness?” I, too, then joined in the fray and started chasing the crows away.

In my naivete, I had no idea then what the crows wanted. I only saw my beautiful bunny, who has lived with me and my son in our backyard now for three and a half years, in total distress and under total attack. And so in that naievete, I was totally relieved to see that the bunny stayed put in the yard right where the crows had left her. I took that as a sign that she was comfortable with me…but perhaps, as I would find out the next day, that was quite a leap for me to make. I actually “consoled” my bunny, cooing to her, telling her I would protect her, softly whispering to her…and then I returned back to my workroom to continue with the day’s activities.

Much to my dismay the crows returned twice more throughout the afternoon and repeated their shenanigans. And twice more I ran out to the yard to shoo them away. Five crows…big, black crows with their shiny metallic black feathers, their loud, loud cawing…one rabbit…and me.

The next day I thought perhaps the drama was over, but I was wrong. Once again, the five crows returned and this time I saw one of the crows with a large piece of fur in its beak. During all of the swooping, flitting, and darting, it dropped the fur…and I ran out the patio doors to shoo them away again and give my bunny a much needed respite. It was then that I saw a small, brown, furry BABY BUNNY in the yard, just lying there out in the open, amidst a few tufts of yellowed grass. The fur that the crow had dropped had evidently been snatched from the baby’s nest in the grass – fur that came from my bunny’s own tummy to offer warmth and nurture to her young.

Now it was I who was in total distress at this point!

A baby bunny out in the middle of the yard with no protection! I knew that if I touched it chances of survival were slim to none. But what to do? I went into the house and came back out with a brush and dustpan. Why? I’m not sure. I had thoughts of moving it back into a more hidden nest area I could create in the grass. But by the time I returned, the baby bunny was gone. Nowhere to be seen, and yet the crows had not returned. Where did it go?

I poked around a bit and saw that the mother bunny had moved her young back into the nest area from where, possibly, one of the five crows had dragged it out. It was still alive, sleeping, heart beating. I could already see the development of its long ears, and its adorable cottontail. “Ok, well then, whew!“ was all I could muster at that point.

Back into the house I went.

That afternoon the crows returned and once again I was out there like a mother to the baby bunny myself. I felt this increasing anxiety and anger towards the crows. After all, five against one is a bit much, a bit skewed, don’t you think? I had noticed that all day, all night, from dawn to dusk, and through the night, my mother bunny stood watch outside in the yard, never leaving, never returning under the deck as she usually did. Instead she would munch ALL DAY on the leafy grass and then once in the morning and once at dusk, she’d hop over to the nest, lean over it, and nurse her young.

I was SO PROUD of my bunny! I must admit this. She was a fierce mother, determined, and completely confident against the crows. She was energetic, never tiring, always protective, on guard, defensive, and always at the ready. What a good little bunny.

But the afternoon brought more danger. The lawn service crew arrived and with them came the BIG LAWN MOWER. I had just gotten out of the shower when I heard the familiar roar. I was soaking wet and threw a t-shirt and sweat pants on and literally FLEW DOWN THE STAIRS, OUT THE DOOR, and INTO THE YARD, with my arms waving, yelling “STOP! STOP! STOP!” I showed the crew the baby’s little nest and the mowers agreed to steer clear of it. Another sigh of relief. Another “rescue.”

Again, I found that the bunny was teaching me lessons…just as she had when she first appeared in my yard over three years ago. Only this time, the crows were teaching me lessons, too.

Meaning of the Crow: Crow is an omen of changes to come. Crow medicine is about seeing all of our fates at the same time – past, present, future – in the Now. Crow medicine is also about having a powerful voice when addressing issues that seem out of harmony or out of balance. Crows encourage you to “caw” the shots as you see them. With the development of one’s Voice comes more personal integrity and character development and this allows loneliness to dissipate. Crow medicine is about shape-shifting your old reality into your future self so that there is balance between your past, present and future.

Meaning of the Rabbit: The rabbit is about fear and defense…leaping and hopping as a means of forward movement and escape…fertility and birth…sensitivity…and 28-day cycles due its procreation. Rabbits create “forms” which are used for hiding and resting. The rabbit digs a small, shallow “bowl” into the grass with an opening in front and in back to allow easy entry and exit. Often it is right out in the open but actually unseen. This means that people who identify with rabbits should probably plan for possibilities and not allow themselves to get boxed in or put in a corner. Rabbits can also easily shift from a freeze position to one of great speed. This is advantageous to emulate in that sometimes opportunities are fleeting and must be acted upon quickly in order to reap their benefits. Because of their sensitivities, rabbits can also show you how to see the various signs around you and then to respond accordingly.

I did indeed have a Crow and a Rabbit encounter this week. One that was dramatic and poignant. One that was hard not to miss in its clarity and directness. One that was pregnant with possibilities of what is to come as long as there is balance and integration of past, present and future. One that is highly instructive about setting boundaries, seeing the signs, being aware, and then acting appropriately in response. One that is about courage, determination, protection, quick thinking, awareness, purposeful action, and taking care of oneself so that others can be cared for, nurtured and protected efficiently. One that is about listening to the “caw” of teachers everywhere, even in our own backyards.

As I type this, I can see my bunny out there in the back yard, a shadow in the dusky early evening. She is munching away on the leafy grass that is due for yet another clipping. She is, as I have said before, one of my greatest teachers. I am so honored that she has chosen me to be her student in life.

To read more about the powerful teachings of the bunny who lives in my backyard, visit this post: http://pinwheelgirlmessagesfromthewind.blogspot.com/2009/05/there-are-teachers-everywhereand-wishes.html

Sources: Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams & David Carson

Slowing Down...and meeting Dealer Dan

Today was one of those summer days when the sun is shining brightly but there is a sweet and cool breeze in the air...in other words, a perfectly blissful kind of day for slowing down and enjoying all the simple pleasures of summer. The sky is that hue of blue you lose yourself in...and there are cottony, billowy cloudscapes blowing by like a silent movie of shapes and forms to contemplate. The wind chime on my front porch is tinkling non-stop reminding me that unseen energies, like the wind, are always hard at work.

I found myself actually having fun folding clothes, chopping up colorful fresh vegetables, opening all the windows in the house and listening to the curtains flapping, watering flowers, and just generally puttering about my sun-drenched house and porch. I love these kinds of days...when my energy can catch up yet I can still enjoy the activities I am immersed in. Painting benches, framing art work, planning projects, writing and drawing, tidying up, decluttering...all of these simple activities calm and restore me.

That all being said today was ripe for an adventure of sorts. My energy and mood was calm yet open...

My 11 year old son and I hit some country roads up near the Wisconsin border. Earlier in the week I had seen a small "shop" literally on the side of the road about the size of a backyard shed with a big sign on it that said "Shield's Grocery." I thought I'd get Keaton excited about visiting "the world's smallest grocery store." "Really?" he said. "It really is?" he asked. "Well, we shall see...I think so..." was my reply.

There was a small cardboard sign perched on a chair propping the door open and it said "Fresh Asparagus. Sweet Corn Soon." Promising my son an ice cream from a big old fashioned freezer or maybe a root beer in a bottle from an old soda machine, he seemed game.

I don't know why but we were both excited as we walked up to "the world's smallest grocery store" - what would await us inside? We imagined all sorts of goodies...penny candy, farm fresh veggies, homemade sauces and salsas, old ceiling fans swishing the air about, some canned goods, and maybe even some old fashioned toys for some summer fun. Ok, so I'm quite the nostalgic type.

Imagine our surprise when we walked into, yes, it was actually a shed...full of tools, tackle boxes, saw horses, hunting knives, and other paraphernalia of this sort. Shelves and shelves of it. There was barely any room to walk. Fishing poles, life jackets, oars, and cigarette memorabilia everywhere. But...before you think that we embarassed ourselves walking into someone's shed on the side of the road, let me tell you that there was a glass-topped counter at the back and a friendly, smiling broadly, gentle old man behind it. Alas, it was indeed a "store" -- whew! -- but not for groceries...

My son was thrilled...everything in the shed was actually for sale. Upon closer inspection we found small paintings of eagles and pheasants, antique coins, glass milk bottles, fishing lures, keys and locks, election buttons from decades and decades ago, police badges, silver spoons, and more...

The old man behind the counter spoke...he was loud, louder than any adult I've heard in a long, long time. But he was chipper, gregarious...really glad we stopped in. He informed us right away he was sold out of asparagus and no sweet corn would be in sight for awhile. However, he had three different varieties of locally produced honey. "That there jar is from Belli's Farm right up there on 21..." and "Oh, that one's from the farm you just passed on the main highway...they got all kinds of things going on there..." and "And that one is from Hollister's -- they just started producing and they've been in the local paper..." My son and I knowingly looked at each other. There wasn't much else we'd be buying from the shed (or so we thought at that moment in time)so we put one jar of honey from each of the three farms onto the counter.

Ok, so we had driven 30 minutes to this little place...we had to make our drive worthwhile. We had to be polite and take a good look-see. We found a cigar box full of keys and locks much to my son's delight. He collects both keys and locks. So we dumped the contents out on the counter and started sorting "cool" keys and "not so cool" keys. Same for the locks. At 25 cents a piece for the keys and $1.oo each for the locks, well, why not? Twelve keys made it to the "keep" pile along with 3 locks.

Next up, the coins, political buttons, and tons of other assortments. Meanwhile, the old man continued to converse with us. "WHATCHA DOIN' FOR THE SUMMER?" he asked loudly of my son. "OH, YOU PLAY BASEBALL? WHERE? WHAT POSITION?" and "WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?" and "HOW OLD ARE YOU?" and "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE KEYS?" (Loud.)

Then he said to my son "Ya see this here key? When were you born? Well, this key was made nearly 100 years before you then." So we bought that one, too.

Meanwhile, I laid the small paintings of the eagle and the pheasant on the counter. Cute and kitcshy - definitely have to snatch those up, each was only about 4x4 inches large. My son picked up a police star, the kind you see pinned to the chest of a man in uniform...and asked the old man "Is this real?" and the old man said "WELL, YEAH, IT'S REAL!!!!" (Real loud.) Honestly, all three of us laughed a good one at that.

It came time to settle up and make our payment for our purchases. Thirty bucks later (!!!!) it was time to hit the road and find an ice cream and a cool, iced root beer in a bottle. Asparagus would have to wait for another "adventure" of sorts to the local supermarket. While I wrote out my check, the old man gave me his card and encouraged us to "stop by for a chat again real soon sometime." His name was "Dealer Dan" and the name of the "shed" was not Shield's Grocery but instead "Wads-It-Worth ~ Dealer Dan's Antiques, Collectibles & Doo-Dads" -- What a great name! We had most certainly wandered into a "doo-dad" shop. My son spent the rest of the day saying the word "doo-dad" over and over again. You know, at first glance it appeared to be a small farm stand along the side of the road...then it was "just someone's shed full of stuff" as my son had whispered to me, and then it transformed into Dealer Dan's Doodad Shop...

It was not too long ago that I felt I had left most of my dreams along the side of the road, like the little white shed. Dreams I thought I could never retrieve and rebirth...but the experience today with Dealer Dan, he with his huge smile and a glint in his eyes, a spirit in his heart and a loving kindness towards whoever appeared at his door, showed me that what is lost can be found...it's there, waiting for you...on the side of the road. And in all the joy one can find in summer's simple pleasures and an open heart ready for an adventure...

"...the unexpected is a gift...be open to receiving..."

A Little Bird Told Me: Encourage One Another and Build Each Other Up

"Encourage one another and build each other up."

Recently I had the occasion to witness both a tragic yet uplifting example of this Bible verse from I Thessalonians in action right outside the front door of my ex-husband's current home.

I had escorted him to the hospital earlier that morning and had just then dropped him off at home following a minor but necessary out-patient surgery. En route to the house, from the driveway, we heard and then saw a delicate, tiny baby robin squawking in the grass under a crabapple tree. Its beak was wide open begging for food, one of its infantile wings attempting to flutter. It was completely helpless and dependent and it was clearly suffering.

My ex-husband scooped up the baby robin and as I pulled back one of the main branches of the crabapple tree, to locate the nest, we were both absolutely horrified to see what awaited us there. First, there was a beautiful mud bowl of a perfectly round nest artfully resting in the crook of the main branches...secure, tight, and a sound piece of architecture. Inside it, two more baby robins, chirping and peeping, their beaks peering out of the nest's edge, gaping wide open.

The nest had the usual mixture of robin nest construction materials...mud, long strands of grass and reed, small sticks. But one ingredient of the nest was, at least to me, new and unusual. The nest's construction sported several swags of neon green netting wrapped around it's outer shape, like a scarf, with dangling bits that hung down. It was the kind of netting you see that is spread over new grass seed and straw. The netting keeps the straw securely covering the delicate sprouts of new grass so that it doesn't blow away leaving the new growth vulnerable. While that is a noble service, the netting unfortunately turned out to be a killer in the nest....

It was exactly what its name implied...

A net....

For beneath the nest, to our absolute horror, there hung a lifeless and rigid male robin, dead, its claw tangled in the netting. We struggled to regain our composure ~ it was shocking and completely sad to see this. First we were contending with this defenseless baby robin crying out for food and rescue, and now a dead parent bird swinging head down in the tree branches...and two more babies in the nest awaiting their next meal.

I cannot even describe the anxiety I began to feel...

Birds, as many of you know, are my totem animal, my power animal, my spirit animal...I have adored birds since I was a child waiting at the end of our driveway for the school bus to arrive. For years I observed their antics in the ditch and on the split-rail fence across the street that bordered the farm and field -- I watched the "Little Birds" flit from rail to rail trying out their wings. I watched them dart in and out of the tall grasses chirping to one another. I watched them swoop and soar, exercising their hearts, their wings, and all the while singing as they did so. And as a little girl, I secretly named myself Little Bird because I felt like one of them...always trying my wings, but needing the safety of my nest...and always in my mind flitting here and there, but never landing anywhere I could stay for too long.

So here we stood with one dying bird in our hand...gazing dumbfounded at a dead one hanging from the tree. In its struggle to free itself and survive, it had obviously flung itself about to wrest its claw from the trap of the net. In vain, it had broken its neck.

My heart was pounding and I felt panic ensue. We put the baby back into the nest and then we sadly cut the adult male down from its ghastly entrapment. My ex-husband got a shovel and dug into the earth to find worms which he then hand-fed to the babies -- each of whom hungrily gobbled them up.

It was at this time that we noticed another adult robin, sitting on the rooftop of a neighboring house. It was obvious that it had food in its beak and was anxious for us to leave the scene. We wondered if somehow this robin was on its way to the nest. Was it the mother? It was a smaller robin that the one we had just cut down. We watched from inside the house and sure enough it landed on the ground near the tree and then hopped inside it. The chirping ceased momentarily and then started up again as the bird flew off...

It returned only minutes later with more food for the hungry babies.

It was then that I recalled this favorite verse of mine. "Encourage one another and build each other up." I felt enormous relief that the baby robins would be cared for and saved.

Again, I thought of how we had just had a powerful "life and death" animal encounter, a spiritual encounter, with a power animal.

The robin is a symbol, of course, for Spring. Spring is for new life, renewal, starting again, and the inevitable confusion that comes with endings and beginnings. It has been several years since my divorce and the amicable and helpful relationship I have with my son's father is often confusing to people. The fact that I would take him to surgery and attend to his needs post-procedure baffled some. Yet he had done the same for me several months earlier when I had needed outpatient surgery.

It never occurred to me that just because we are divorced we would not be helpful people to each other going forward. Afterall, we co-parent a beautiful son together. Apparently, however, there are some who think we should proceed otherwise and limit contact with each other. Seeing the second robin come to the aid and rescue in feeding and caring for the babies made me realize it is ok to keep helping a person even after your "formal" relationship with him or her ends or is severed, or "dies" somehow. The dead robin seemed to me to symbolize the end of a chapter in both of our lives...the caregiving robin seemed to symbolize the new energy between us.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple but stunning or bittersweet example in our daily lives to remind us of what we already know deep inside. This is why I am keenly fond of the phrase "...a little bird told me..." I am so grateful for the affirmation that the whole family of robins gave me that morning.

"Encourage one another and build each other up." I Thessalonians 5:11

After the storm, gifts....

It was a wild Friday night here in Chicago! Severe thunderstorms, lightning shows across the sky, torrential downpours, trees and powerlines down, flooding and roads closed. As if that wasn't bad enough, next came tornado warnings, sirens blowing, fire engines and squad cars...and many a stalled cars amidst trees whipping in the wind.

And all the while my friend, Dawn, (don't you love her name?) and I were driving in all this on the way to our first quincenara for our friend's twin daughters. We did arrive safely to our destination. We were late, of course, having to contend with all this -- and soaking wet in our dresses and heels. The wind was blowing the rain sideways by now and the parking lot was holding several inches of water. But, still, onward we went knowing that dinner, drinks, and dancing would soon take our minds off the treacherous conditions outside.

The evening was wonderful and I got home rather late. By now the storm had subsided and my headlights could illuminate some of its remnants lying on the ground. Back at home though, the neighborhood was pitch black dark, of course, and therefore I was unknowing of what had happened in my own backyard during the storm. Despite the lateness of the hour, I logged on anyway to check my various networking sites just to see if someone might want to chat. Though it was late I didn't feel like turning in just yet. But internet was down and my landline phone was out, too. So it was off to dreamland...despite my inner protestations.

When I awoke on Saturday morning I could not believe what I was seeing literally in my back yard. What is normally a large field of grass was now a HUGE lake...yes, this spot of land is a water retention area but I've never, ever seen it so full of water...it was, literally, a LAKE. Beautiful mature trees were standing in the middle of it...it's edges reached almost to the fence of my yard.

It was beautiful....but there was more beauty to come...I didn't know that yet...since I had to discover it....

As I went about my morning rituals, I saw that a solitary egret had arrived. Followed by several mallards and even more geese. These glorious waterbirds were taking flight, then gliding over the water, and then performing their soft and graceful landings...one after the other, like an airport on water. They were loving it! It was a new playground for them, a new place for them to explore. The egret waded in the shallows quietly observing the fancifulness of the other birds. It really was a beautiful performance.

I quietly hustled myself out there to take some photos of the egret - so majestic white it stood in the shallows of this new water source. I was only able to capture one photo of it in repose before it took off in flight and graced me with a wingspan of fluttering and flapping sheer white that left me breathless.

I went back inside and readied my home for a gathering of ladies who would arrive later in the day. But the water kept calling me back...the sun glistening on this new scenic vista outside my window create a jewel-like effect. You have to understand...I live in the middle of the Chicago suburbs...this is unusual for us surrounded by so much of the subdivision concrete!

This Sunday morning, the new lake is now smaller in size, but it is still magnificent. Barefoot, I went outside to explore and took my camera. I could not believe what I was finding...

There were feathers EVERYWHERE. Feathers are one of my very favorite things in this world. They are the Universal symbol for Truth. And they were everywhere. Black ones, white ones, gray ones, of all shapes and sizes....right away I knew this would be a very special little adventure. I would be finding some "truths" here.

Next I discovered that a flock of seven robins were gathered together eating from the soggy grass. They seemed to be delirious with joy in their new food source. And, there were seven mallards on the lake...swimming in parade-like fashion, one after the other, round and round....their honking had woken me up earlier at 7 a.m. through my open windows...Their gentle gliding to and fro, so unhurried, was surely a message to slow down, take your time, and enjoy the ride.

Seven robins....seven mallards....Hmmmm. This had to be signifcant. Seven, of course, is the number of stages of transition I've identified in my book, The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight. And we all know that seven is a magical number for many, many reasons. But seven robins and seven mallards....what, then, could this gift mean?

As I walked the circumference of this new "lake" I found that I was really taken with the trees standing in the middle of all this water, their trunks immersed. There were several sets of trees like this and I started to photograph them. But it was a pair of trees that, when I saw what they were "saying" to me, I felt lightheaded, like a bolt of lightning from the storm had just hit me, like my heart skipped a beat...

These two clusters of trees standing upright in the middle of the water...they were saying "this lake is for you...and all the gifts that have come with it...they are all for you...there are messages here for you to see, learn from, absorb, and have faith in..." See? There were "truths" to be revealed.

The trunks of the trees, along with the reflections that they created on the water's surface, perfectly and without a doubt, created MY INITIALS -- a double "K" -- it was as plain as day....I could see it like I could see my hand. I could feel the Universe saying "With this storm, let's deliver a gift to KK." Suddenly, the lake became "mine" though I know others will most surely enjoy it. Suddenly, the egret and those seven ducks and those seven robins became mystical companions to me.

And suddenly I knew that once again the Universe always delivers to you EXACTLY what you need when you need it. It is all about trust. Trust that you will be taken care of, that your needs will be met, that you are loved no matter what, that prayers are heard AND answered, that every day is a gift full of gifts, and that life on this planet is precious and we are privileged every day that we are here to partake in what life brings us.

It was a moment when I felt for sure that I was sitting in the palm of God's hand....to see the Double K...it was a moment of deep grace and inspiration for me. I've been attached to my initials my whole life...and never changed my name as I aged and wed. There they were...on this new found body of water.

So what did the lake and it's messages mean? Why were they sent to me? I looked up the Animal Medicine for each of the animals I encountered this morning. What I would find would once again fill my heart with gladness, recovery, and deep peace.

The robin -- harbinger of spring, new life, new growth. Seven of them. The song of the robin is very mystical -- it recognizable almost as soon as the warmth of the spring sun appears. The song is used to mark territory even though it is considered a song of cheer. When robins appear en masse in one's life, it reflects a need to "sing your own song" and pave your own way to new growth.

The duck -- symbols of emotional comfort and protection. Seven of them. Ducks help us remember to navigate with ease the waters of our life. Ducks come to tell us it is time to shed the feelings of discomfort with people in your life and to find others who are more like-minded in spirit. Ducks also remind us to return home to those places inside ourselves where we feel most safe and protected.

So the robin and the duck brought me messages today of balance....striking out, singing my own own song, but returning to realms of comfort. Wow, that was really a gracious message.

The egret -- the egret's medicine is about learning to be self-reliant and assertive about entering deeper waters without fear. They teach about learning to stand on your own two feet. They send reminders about independence.

I have to say that I needed to hear all three of these messages on this particular morning of my life. I love how the Universe flows and brings to our spirit what it needs for restoration and inspiration. For me, there is spirituality and God's presence in all of nature. Animals and all of the elements have so much to teach us when we encounter them with awareness and symbolic sight.

I share this story with you not because I want to single myself out as "special" but because I want to encourage all of you, if you are not in the habit of doing so yet, to see with symbolic sight, to speak more often in metaphor, to look every single day of your life for the gifts it brings you, to find the peace the Universe so often delivers if we only could receive it. Many times we feel that the days all blur and run together. "Same old, same old" we say. But every day there is a message waiting for you to uncover. Sometimes the most ordinary days are the best kind.

Peace to all of you who are reading this today. May you find today's gifts flourishing deeply in your heart like I have. See the signs and rejoice!

"...there are teachers everywhere...the day is full of gifts...look, listen, feel..."

Need Some New Energy? Try a Smudging....

Whenever I am in need of some new energy, a new twist on things, or getting rid of a sour spell of inactivity and dour mood, I get out my smudge stick and clay pot...and I "do a smudging..."

Smudging is a Native American ceremony, or ritual, of burning herbs to cleanse away old energy in order to bring in new energy. The idea is that by burning a smudge stick made of dried herbs (bound together with simple string) and then moving it around a specific object, person or place -- such as a room or area in a home -- the gently wafting smoke carries negative energy away leaving new opportunity for positive energy to enter.

Smudge sticks are available in many varieties and easily obtained on the internet. Different herbs offer different kinds of energies to invite into your space. I use one of dried sage and lavendar. The herbs, as plants, represent the element of Earth.

Typically, smudge sticks are burned in one of two different kinds of "pots" -- clay pots or abalone shells. The pot is used to collect any ashes that might fall from the stick as well as to extinguish the stick at the close of the smudging. An abalone or shell pot represents the element of Water for the concept of Life. Smudge pots are also easily obtained on the internet and there are wonderful selections to choose from.

I use a red clay pot from the island of Antigua that I found over 20 years ago. When I first found it on the island, I had no idea what I would use it for. But I loved its deep red color, its simple shape, and the fact that a local potter had made it by literally digging up the clay earth from his local setting. For years it was packed away, I rarely had it out on display. But when I got divorced and moved to my new home as a mid-life single mom, I found it in one of my boxes and out it came. It was perfect for the smudge sticks I had received as gifts from friends ~ red earth clay for grounding, red earth clay that had been surrounded by water on an island. Now my smudge kit was complete.

For me smudging is about breaking a cycle of dead energy, starting anew, bringing new life and new ideas and new people into a situation that has been dormant. It is also about clearing away negative thoughts, patterns, actions, and routines. Shaking things up. Out with the old. In with the new. It's about anticipation, excitement, setting intentions, making wishes, clarifying dreams, having goals, and asking for the Universe for manifestation. I love smudging because I can feel somewhere deep inside me the glory and the beauty of this ritual...I feel powerful when I am smudging. I feel sacred. I feel connection. And I know good things are coming because of it.

When you begin to smudge, the remaining two elements are invoked...Fire and Air. As you light the end of the smudge stick, there is Fire. Fire is about courage, passion, and strength. As the stick gently burns, the soft, billowy smoke rises and curls into the Air. This is for the space where all of our dreams, thoughts, and wishes reside. Now all of the four elements are represented. There is balance. All that is needed now is your own spirit to guide you through the process of smudging.

So you see smudging is intense but it is good. When the smoke starts to burn and it is wafting through your space, there is indeed a new energy, a sense of calm anticipation, that ensues. Before I begin, I always set the stage, so to speak. I clear my mind with meditation and I begin to reflect on the changes I want to incur in my life at that time. I carefully and specifically invoke exactly what I want the smudging to bring...

My first smudging was three years when I moved into my new home, where I live now. I deeply wanted the smudging as a way to bless my new living space, to clear out the old energy of its past inhabitants, and to make new wishes, dreams, and invitations for what would take place in my new life and in my new home for me and my little boy. I was single now and had big dreams for what was to come.

I invited six of my very best girlfriends to join in the ritual with me. A friend of mine led the smudging. To prepare I had made a list of intentions that I wanted to come true for each room of my new home. For example, I had been very isolated in my old neighborhood and feeling a strong lack of soul connection with neighbors. As we smudged my new living room I invoked it to be a place where new friends would gather, soulful conversation and good times would take place, there would be joy and companionship, and new relationships and friendships would be forged in this space. It felt so good to set these intentions, to be purposeful about it, and to be clear. As I watched the smoke dance about the room, I imagined old feelings of loneliness and despair leaving my body. As the smoke dissipated and eventually disappeared, I imagined new feelings of camaraderie, bonding and connection take hold.

At the front door, as my friend smudged the entry way, we released all negative energy existing in the home from prior occupants into the open air outside, and we invited in love, peace, harmony, safety, security, warmth, protection, and happiness through the front door and into the house. At this time, I also asked for special saints and goddesses to come live with me and my son.

In my son's bedroom, as we wafted the lit stick around his new room, the smoke curled about and created delicate swirls and designs in the air. I asked the Universe at this time to help my son heal through the divorce, to sleep well and grow healthy in this room, to have fun with his friends in this room, to enjoy his playthings, to feel safe and secure in this room, to feel that it was a place of comfort and security for him, that he would love being in it and that his happiness and health would continue to flourish here....

Similar intentions followed for every room of the house...I asked for creativity, new ideas, new skill sets, and new dedication and resolve in the room that would become my art studio. I asked for health, good food, good habits, good times, and a feeling of ease in my kitchen, a room I am most often stressed in, where I often feel the least confident and the least comfortable.

We even did the attic, the garage, and the crawl space...out with the old, in with the new....each friend took a turn smudging some area of the house...there was a tone of seriousness but also lightheartedness ~ this was a new beginning and my friends were happy and excited for me.

We opened every cupboard door, every closet, ever drawer...and allowed the smudge smoke to waft in and out....clearing away anything negative gathering and hiding in the corners of these little and often overlooked spaces in a home.

As the smoke drifted throughout the house, it was filled with the pungent but warm and luxurious scent of sage and lavendar. It was heady and delightful. When we got to my bedroom, all of my friends and I gathered in a circle and each one of us received an individual smudging. My friend who led the smudging wafted the stick around each of us one at a time, starting from head to toe, and as she did so, each of us meditated and reflected on our own personal journeys, wishes, and dreams....inviting in newness and releasing what was no longer needed.

This particular smudging took about an hour to complete. It was strong and potent and I did see many changes come to fruition over the next two years. I wrote, illustrated and published my book, The Pinwheel Girls Takes Flight, after having found a new sense of energy, creativity, and determination. I made new friends and new, helpful, interesting people entered my life. I feel, still to this day, a deep sense of calm, serenity, and peace in my home...each time I enter through the door, the house, it seems to hug me, deeply and with much happiness when I arrive. My son is thriving and happy, healed and optimistic about his future. I eat well, I have lost weight, I sleep well, and I've become healthier living here. I feel safe physically and emotionally. Negative people don't enter ~ there's isn't a place for them here. And most of all, I feel that I am doing here what I set out to do...starting anew, making my wishes and dreams come true, being who I was meant to be, and thriving.

You don't have to have a major life transition in order to do a smudging. You can do one any time you feel like it but I tend to pick certain times. My birthday. A full moon. The New Year. An anniversary of something significant. Or just when I have the funky blues or I'm in a rut about something. You don't have to do your entire house either! Just one room, one area, one object, just yourself, a doorway, a closet....anything you want to "clear out" will do.

If you are needing some new energy to enter your life, try a smudging...have fun with it, but give it the seriousness and careful reflection it needs. Why? You'll get what you wish for. So be specific, make it good and right for you.

Photo Caption: My smudge pot, smudge stick, and a feather to help waft the smoke...

"...you are bigger than life...reaching, expanding, connecting..."
Stage 5, The Pinwheel Girl Ascends

There are Teachers Everywhere...and Wishes Do Come True

When I first got married many years ago now I lived in a 100-year-old farm house. It was the kind of house that had intense character and charm ~ by this I mean it had no closets at all, not one, and the basement had a dirt floor. The floors were crooked and none of the doors could close all the way. The staircase opening was so low and narrow a double bed mattress could not fit through it and we struggled with roof maintenance, having regular heat, and proper plumbing for modern day appliances. Nevertheless we loved our picturesque farmhouse and so we filled it with antiques and farm tools, kitchen gadgets from the 40's and 50's and an assortment of cozy and comfortable furnishings. All that was missing was the rabbit.

I really wanted a rabbit. I envisioned taking care of a cute little bunny who would "hang out" in a cute little gingerbread-style rabbit hutch painted in "country" colors in the back yard. I even had a great place for the hutch ~ nestled amongst the newly thriving wildflower garden of cosmos, purple coneflower, blackeyed susan, phlox, and more. For me, the idea of a rabbit in a hutch would complete our country home without having to actually do any farming. Afterall, we were smack dab in the middle of Chicago suburbia!

But, alas, there were many arguments made against having a rabbit and so the dream passed and within four years time, tired of repairing gutters and windows that wouldn't properly open or close, we sold the "old" farmhouse and bought a "new" one in a progressive conservation community on an Illinois prairie. The new farmhouse was made with energy efficient construction in a low density subdivision plan. The community boasted its own charter school and an organic farm complete with a wind turbine. There was mandatory composting and recycling and every home had open views of prairies of tall grasses, wildflowers, lakes and farm land. Surely, I thought, it was time for me to have my rabbit in this perfect environment!

Unfortunately, the constant threat of coyotes, I was told, made having a rabbit in a hutch a dangerous endeavor and a near certainty predicting the rabbit's demise. And without even the slightest bit of subtlety, I was told by various people that I would hate taking care of the rabbit, I would hate cleaning out the hutch - which would be required daily, and I would hate that rabbits have to have their teeth filed -- and what was I going to do about all that? I would even get tired of and eventually hate feeding the rabbit!! they said. And what about the excessive Chicago summer heat wih the poor rabbit all cooped up in a wooden hutch? The naysayers went on and on until once again the idea of having a rabbit came and went.

By now you might be asking why I was so predisposed to have a rabbit -- especially since I was a suburban girl and had never ever visited a working farm or had any pets other than a family dog to take care of -- I really cannot tell you why. I just know that I wanted one. I really couldn't articulate the reason why then and still not now. I just knew that somehow I was yearning for one. And somehow I was always "told" by someone else that I could not have one.

Many years passed and with them came many changes. Our beautiful son grew, careers took hold, life got routinized, dreams were abandoned in favor of getting through the busy days, vacations were rare, communication lagged, relationships suffered, and then one day I woke up and realized it was time for a new life, a new birth, a new beginning. My husband and I divorced agfter 17 years of marriage and we each moved to new homes.

Times were tough during that transition. There was a lot of fear. There was a lot of worry. Can I take care of myself? Will I be safe living on my own? Will I be able to handle what comes my way? Will I thrive? Will I be able to resurrect what I have lost? Will I be able to handle being competely alone?

It was time to find out.

I moved to one-half of a duplex in a high density subdivision in the suburbs of Chicago. The duplex was and is perfect for my 11 year old son and I. It offered us beautiful interior colors and a third extra bedroom I could convert into an art studio to support my now newly rediscovered need to draw Pinwheel Girls. The back yard boasted a wood fence painted gray, a large deck, and a retractible sun shade over it. My kitchen window overlooks a stunningly gorgeous open space that many people mistakenly think is part of a golf course. Mature trees are everywhere. There is a pool and a golf course, basketball hoops, and bike paths. When I purchased it, I knew it would be perfect for me and my son for our new life.

Interestingly, not even a year in the duplex I saw that, lo and behold, I had a co-resident hanging out with my son and I in the backyard. She arrived on Easter Sunday ~ of all miracles. A rabbit. Plump, soft, thriving, complete with a cottony cottontail. Easter Sunday - a symbolic holiday for rabbits which embody the idea of "new life" and "resurrection from the dead."

Three years later she is still with us.

She lives under the deck. Every morning she comes out for her daily munchies of dandelion leaves. Then she lays around in the sun all sprawled out, relaxing and sunbathing as any good rabbit would do. As afternoon arrives, she rests under the shade of the tall pine tree. We love to see her hopping all over the yard, her little white cottonball of a tail frolicking behind her. Last year she birthed baby bunnies for us to enjoy and they inmitated their momma's behavior just perfectly. Imagine our delight to see momma bunny and baby bunnies romping around the yard!

I have photographed her and my son and I sit on the deck and chat with her, coo to her, and feed her shredded carrots and lettuce in the summer. Every morning I look for her out my kitchen window and my heart soars to see her hopping or lying around...munching on the tall grass and weeds that try to pass themselves off as a "lawn" at my house.

So...with all this rabbit energy surrounding me and my little duplex I decided to research the symbolism of the rabbit. What I discovered amazed and touched me so deeply. I knew then that the other times in my life when I had yearned for a rabbit were not the right times to receive one.

Native Americans believed that the rabbit stood for "fear." They also represent "fertility" and "new life."

As we all know, a rabbit is prey for many animals. Yet, it is equipped with the gifts of very high speed and agility to outrun predators as well as the ability to reproduce itself in high numbers to preserve itself as a species. When a rabbit hears or senses the threat of danger, what does it do? It runs!! Fast! They also have the amazing ability to stop and start, twist and turn in their path, and change directions with lightning speed.

The rabbit can also make great leaps and hops...Hmmmm.

The rabbit is also considered the sacred animal of the Greek goddess, Hecate, who ruled over women's transitions. Learning this was like receiving a lightning bolt to my head...I was right in the middle of managing a major life transition -- ending a long marriage, beginning life as a single, mid-life woman and, now for the first time, a single mom, too -- and I even had a small porcelain statue of Hecate in my living room to honor the transition I was experiencing...

I was indeed crafting a "new life" for myself and my son. Powerful medicine this little rabbit is.

And so as I researched, I found that the lesson of the rabbit coming into your life is for you to stop demonstrating so much fear and to stop talking about it. Afterall, what you fear most is what you will become. When a rabbit shows up in your life, it is a sign to tell you to stop worrying, to stop saying "What if this tragedy happens" and "what if that horrible thing happens" and, in my case, to stop saying "What if I can't handle this?" and "What if I have done the wrong thing?" and "What if I really can't take care of myself after all these years?" The rabbit wants you to instead focus on how there is always a way out in every situation, or problem, or with every fear you face.

So now when I see my little rabbit, who I finally have as one of my companions, I know now why I had to wait 17 years for her. I didn't need her before. I needed her at just the right time that she arrived. She came when I had to deeply examine my fears. When I had to cast them aside and take my life into my own control. When I had to forge ahead with leaps and hops. When I had to create a new beginning, a new birth, for myself. She came when I could be open to what she had to show me.

The Universe works with us and for us, not against us. And there are teachers everywhere. Even in my little rabbit who lives under the deck. She requires no hutch, no special care, no worries from me about the heat or about coyotes. She requires only that I pay attention to the gifts I am given from the Universe...and to learn from them. She has become one of my greatest teachers in my life to date. She with the little cottontail.

What Do You Think Of When You Encounter A Pinwheel ?

Did you know that the universal symbol of a pinwheel is "to turn one's luck around..." Pinwheels are found world-wide in cultures all over the globe.

What do you think of when you visualize or interact with a pinwheel?

As symbols pinwheels also represent childhood, the unseen energy that causes movement and animation, the cycle of "stopping and starting," the concept of "spinning in a circle" and more.

When interacting with a pinwheel now, as an adult, many remember the comforts of childhood, exploring the thrill and power of a pinwheel furiously spinning in the wind through an open car window on the way home from a carnival or parade, or colorful, shiny, dazzling visuals spinning with delight reflecting the light of the summer sun. For many, all of these feel "carefree" but for others it can represent a childhood lost.

Others think of unseen energies moving us along, then stopping us in our tracks, only to start up again, as if without our permission. And still others think of how something powerful must "move us." What about the idea of youthful energy? Or that of a "plaything" or "toy"? And "vicious cycle."

Some folks have shared with me that pinwheels represent the diversity of humanity ~ each pinwheel is different: different colors, different materials, different sizes, different effects, different speeds. Some moving, some still. Some stuck. Some unstuck. Some furiously spinning. Some calmly waiting for the next movement. Some shiny and dazzling, some more sedate and pastel.

Other folks have shared with me that pinwheels make them feel energetic and inspired...the slightest wind, breeze or touch of the finger sets them spinning to express their color and movement...

There are many interpretations that the pinwheel symbol can embody....

Next time a pinwheel appears in your life think about what it has come to tell you or ask you to think about regarding your own life's journey. For me the pinwheel will always be about the unseen energies hard at work in our life...and how sometimes those energies will cause us to jump off the stick that has held us pinned down. Once free, the pinwheel flies and soars through the skies in a dazzingly array of colors for all to see.

I would love to hear from you about your interpretation of the pinwheel as a symbol or any pinwheel stories you'd like to share!

Warm Winds To You! I'll see you in Sky!

Mother's Day Is For All of Us, All of You ~ Whether You Are A Mother Or Not, Whether You Have A Child Or Not

This is a Mother's Day Message for all the mother's out there and there are many of you and many different kinds of mothers. I feel that Mother's Day is heavily marketed in a stereotypical way...it is exclusive and singular. It leaves a lot of women feeling like this holiday is not for them and they feel left out, unseen, and forgotten. If you are one of those women, I want to include you.

For those of you who are mothers right now, I wish you a happy mother's day and hope you will be able to spend the day with your loved ones. I also wish you time and serenity to reflect on your mothering and to grow in confidence as a loving, nurturing steadfast guide for your children. When I was a new mother, I had confidence in certain areas of my mothering, not so much confidence in others. It was important that I took some time to reflect on the areas of my mothering in which I needed to grow and evolve. Mother's Day is a great reminder for us to do this.

And for all the experienced mothers out there, I wish you a day of gratitude and loving pride for all that you have accomplished, often unseen and unnoticed, as a mother.

For those of you whose mothers have crossed over to Heaven, I wish you a Mother's Day of peace and sanctuary in your memories of her. I am sure you know and feel that she is still with you caring for and loving you throughout your days. You might feel that there isn't an appropriate greeting for you on this holiday nor one you can send to your own mother anymore. But this holiday is most definitely for you in your mother's honor. I hope you will be able to find a way to recognize her that is satisfying and loving to you.

For those of you who wish to be a mother but that day has not yet come, I wish you opportunities to think about what kind of mother you would like to be, to really plan for that and to make it a real and conscious part of your awareness. And I wish you success in becoming that mother.

And for those of you whose life path painfully does not allow you to be a mother despite your prayers, desire and efforts, I feel that Mother's Day is a holiday for you, too, because you have mother love in your heart and that is something to celebrate, honor and cherish.

This message is also for those of you who choose not to be a mother. I would like to thank you for all of the support, caring and understanding you have given to your own mother as well as to other mothers and their children. Your assistance means so much and it is greatly appreciated.

For single mothers, this holiday is most certainly for you. I wish you time on this day for self-care, relaxation, and rejuvenation. of course, I know that all mothers need this! But I also wish the single mothers an extra dose of continued resolve, resiliency and strength because you are doing it all alone. For this, I want to also wish you companionship and support. I understand your journey.

For all of the mothers with an empty nest I hope you will be able to spend time or communicate with your children and feel their love for you and to express yours for them.

Grandmothers and great-grandmothers and godmothers ~ thank you for your timelessness, your wisdom, your experience, and for teaching the new mothers.

Happy Mother's Day also for all of the adoptive mothers, foster mothers, and step-mothers. The generosity and expanse of your heart is amazing. The world needs mothers. And you have stepped in to fill this need. I personally know adoptive mothers, foster mothers, and step-mothers and I see how their particular roles as mothers are layered with complexity beyond what I could imagine in my own life. To me you have huge hearts capable of so much unconditional love.

This message also goes out to all of you who have had the painful experience of child loss whether to miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss, or another untimely death that meant you had to lose your child. I understand your pain on this day. I wish you time to reflect on and to celebrate the gifts of the heart your child surely brought to you. If you lost a one and only child, you might wonder if this holiday is for you since you don't have any living children. It is. You are a mother whose child is in Heaven. There isn't a Hallmark card for this and you might not want a "Happy Mother's Day" greeting. But I honor you and your child on this day. I know you.

Mother's Day is also for all the aunts, cousins, nieces, sisters, caregivers, nannies, housekeepers, coaches, tutors, counselors and teachers...for each of you have also offered your mothering in a myriad of ways. Thank you for the gifts of your heart to children everywhere.

I also want to acknowledge those of you who lost your mother at an early age because this meant that when you were still a child you became a mother -- to yourself and possibly some siblings. For you in particular, I honor the mother you became early in your life and again now if you have children of your own. You are a very special person on this planet. Never forget that you are strong beyond anyone's imagination and that your heart and spirit are filled with grace for what you have endured.

And for any mother who is separated from her children due to incarceration, war, poverty, substance abuse, homelessness or estrangement, I wish you a speedy reunion that is full of reconciliation, recognition, and endless love so that the Mother-Child bond can grow and prosper between you.

I am sure that there are many other kinds of mothers I did not mention in this post. I did not intend to forget or overlook you. If I did, I apologize and I wish you a Mother's Day that is joyous in a special way for you.

Mother's Day is For All of Us and All of You...whether you are a mother or not, whether you have a child or not...because Love is Eternal and Mother's Day is about loving and caring for another. Blessings to all of you and your loved ones wherever they may be on Mother's Day and always. Celebrate and honor all of the mother love you have in your heart!

Photo Caption: My beautiful mother and I. Her name is Iris and she is 87. She grew up motherless but became one of the best mothers on the planet. Thank you, Mom. I love you.

Seeing the Unseen Creates New Ways

It was a glorious day today...warm sunshine, cool breezes, big blue skies, cloudscapes...all the things that make for a perfect Pinwheel Girl realm. A recent business trip lasting several weeks finally ended and that meant that my 11 year old son and I could be reunited after a long separation. With such great Spring weather upon us, we decided to explore some of the wetlands in our area to discover what treasures might await us. With camera in tow, we set off to "follow the wind and find something we had lost..."

"...sing all your colors as you soar across the sky into your own magnificence..."

The first thing I began to photograph on our foray were the cloudscapes dancing above us in the Big Sky. I have always felt that it is in the realm of the Blue that our deepest dreams and hidden gifts reside. I invite all of you to spend time in what I call "the Dreamland of the Sky"excavating and ruminating on your dreams, goals, aspirations, and hopes. Some of us have abandoned our dreams, forgotten them, put them aside, or left them on the side of some long ago travelled road. It's important to rekindle these...they are the whispers of your Soul asking you to share your self with the world.

I took lots and lots of photos of the Sky and the Clouds...there were so many "openings" in the cloudscapes -- so many "holes in the sky..." To me, these are huge symbols for us to find and see. When an opening from the Sky occurs or is presented to you, you simply must walk through it...or fly through it! It is there through that opening that all of your authenticity and the seeds of your best life can start anew...to get there you must begin to dream again. Seeing all the holes in the sky made me think that the Universe and our Life Path offer us openings all the time...we have to "see the unseen" -- notice, be aware, take action when the inspiration strikes. When we do this, we can live a life of immense joy and fulfillment.

"...love is in the air..." ~ Literally!

We saw a cloud shaped like a heart lying on its side...Hmmm....love is all around us, you know? Today, literally, love was in the air! Sometimes I think we don't remember that love surrounds us every day, all day. At least I often forget! Sometimes we feel unlovable, forgotten, devalued. But, I have found that the Universe, this big beautiful world of ours, sends me messages ALL THE TIME that I am loved, seen, and valued. How? I find "hearts" wherever I go...rocks, shells, clouds, trees, and more all in the shapes of hearts. When I find one it is like the Universe has just sent me a love letter. I believe it is the Universe's way of sending us a powerful message. Again, we have to have open eyes to "see the unseen" sometimes. You are not alone, not at all, and you are loved. I feel that everytime I find one of my "hearts."

"...memorize the endings and the beginnings....they will come again..."

The wetlands were teeming with new life. Budding trees, birds nesting, bumblebees flitting, and saplings shooting up out of the Earth. We encountered a gaggle of goslings...the sweetest, fluffiest baby geese you'd ever hope to see...following their parents about. Everywhere was the sound of birdsong...like a natural orchestra...they were laughing and talking! The colors were glorious...every shade of green, golden yellows, and the left over browns and rusts of last fall.

My son and I...how can I explain this...we were both SO HAPPY. Being around all this new life, I think that it has a glorious effect on you. There is just so much beauty to be seen looking out into the World. To see all the new life surrounding us, the baby geese, the delicate but swollen green buds on every tree limb, the bees feasting on newly blossomed spring wild flowers, I thought to myself "All of this life around me is beautiful...actually, LIFE is beautiful." Indeed. Despite my problems and concerns, my life is beautiful, too...so is yours. Think about it.

We found a huge tangled up, gnarly, mangled tree rising up out of the wetlands about 6 feet from the muddy shore of the Des Plaines River. The river is quite high right now after the spring rains. This was not the prettiest tree I've ever seen...but it had a majesty to it that made me keep photographing it. The bottom of the tree was a complete mess -- all jumbled up, rotting, falling down, split open, and submerged in water. Many of the main branches had collapsed. It was, as I often say, "tangled up in all sorts of entanglement."

But as I have recently found once again, things have a way of working themselves out. Life unfolds and the tangles get smoothed away…new life begins and new strength is found. Sure enough the upper reaches of this tangled tree were sprouting beautiful green buds amidst new and strong limbs. And in those limbs were many “openings” to the Big Sky behind it…

“…the biggest rocks make the biggest circles…”

My son was having a great time throwing rocks and skipping stones into the river. What is it about boys and rocks? He loved it. Always on the hunt for a special rock to keep and add to our growing piles, we found a very special one indeed. How about sticks? We collected a bunch of those, too, and we found that some of them were in the shape of letters. “L” was one of them. As my boy continued to throw stones and be captivated by the “circles” he could create in the water, I left a “message” for others who might follow us on our journey through the wetlands today.

Just as we were leaving, two grandparents arrived with three granddaughters and a bevy of fishing poles. Instantly, the energy changed…yelling and hollering was the standard modus operandi, it seemed. The first words we heard were “Get away from that boy with the rocks! He’s scaring all the fish away!” followed by “Get that net OUT OF THE WATER – NOW!” I told the grandfather we were just leaving and that the fish would arrive soon. As we left I told my son to tell the three girls we’d left them a message on the shore and to check it out.

Here's the message we left on the river's edge ~ complete with our special rock:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/38013406@N06/3495985886/

As we headed for our car and another stop along the wetlands, it occurred to me how there is so much energy powerfully at work in our lives…it takes many forms and is often invisible…it’s important to stay aware and focused on the kind of energy and influences you want to welcome into your life and those you want to offer to the Universe, your fellow human beings, and yourself.

I think of the Wind as a metaphor for the Inner Voice…they are both often unseen and only felt. There is also Deep Knowing and Intuition. What about chance, synchronicity, a hunch, an inkling…these are also energies working hard to get your attention. I like to say that “…there are teachers everywhere…” – in a rock, a stick, a cloud, a feeling, a nod, a glance, a message…Look for these unseen forces working in your life…and when you see them, take notice, and share them.

“…seeing the unseen creates new ways…and a new you…”

The Pinwheel Girl Has Some Questions For You

In Stage 1, the stage of going inside, the Pinwheel Girl says that “it’s about protection.” How have you protected yourself so far in your life? What new ways can you use to protect yourself?

The Pinwheel Girl says “you know what to do” in Stage 2 of her transformation as she begins to unfold. What do you think she means by this? What do you know what to do that you are not doing right now? Where does the knowledge of “knowing what to do” come from? How can you tap into it and hear it so that you “know what to do.”

When she begins to expand, the Pinwheel Girl states that “surrender is worth it” in Stage 4. What do you need to surrender to? Make a list.

“There are teachers everywhere.” What do you think the Pinwheel Girl is trying to say with this Message from the Wind? Teachers are not just in classrooms, churches, counseling sessions, or lecture halls. Where else can you find teachers who can bring you gifts of self-knowledge, growth, new ideas, awakened dreams, and confidence? Who and what have been or could be positive teachers for you?

In Stage 6, the Pinwheel Girl realizes that working on yourself is a lot of hard work that is often painful. She says: “Dare to see what you see, dare to hear what you hear, dare to stand it, it is only the Truth trying to set you free…” What have you been avoiding accepting about yourself that has held you captive? What if you face it and stand it? You can be free to be and do what?

The Pinwheel Girl is You. She is Every Woman. She is your Inner Voice. In Stage 6 she says “A part of you will always be invisible to the world…but I see you…all of you…I know you…I will always be with you…always…” Who exactly is the Pinwheel Girl inside you?

Many women abandon themselves, take care of others before they take care of themselves, and neglect or forget their Inner Voice which is meant to guide them through Life. The Pinwheel Girl says “I have been waiting for you to find me. Don’t forget me.” What promise will you make to yourself about how you will take care of yourself, heed your truest Inner Voice, and reject thoughts of self-abandonment?

"...the answers are here and there, this way and that...the answers come when you listen to the sound of your own Voice...bringing you the keys to your Life, Love, and Freedom..."

Women in Recovery - Transformation and Transition at its Best

This week I had the pleasure and privilege to attend the Graduation Ceremony for 18 women in recovery from substance abuse at a local Women's Services Center. It was one of the best days of my life. Never before have I seen and felt the glory and intensity of the human spirit so hard at work in transformation. At a certain point in time during the two-hour event, words became unncessary -- the feelings evolved so deeply that everything eventually became inarticulate.

Eighteen women, ranging in age from late teens to early 60's, celebrated their recovery from addiction. Many of them had never walked in a graduation processional of any kind. Some were also graduating out of homeless shelters. All of them were graduating into clean and sober life.

We cried, we stood, we clapped, we sang, we danced in the aisles, we laughed, we celebrated, we sighed. And we hugged -- wow, did we hug! In the course of two hours, I received about 50 hugs. Real hugs. Tightly squeezed hugs. None of this "air hug" stuff. I was HUGGED. 50 times. That's how good transformation and recovery feels. You just want to hug people and let them know "I'm back!" and "I finally made it and it feels so good!"

The ladies chanted in Obama-style "YES WE CAN...change lives!" "YES WE CAN...impact families!" "YES WE CAN...celebrate recovery!" The whole room roared! The tears flowed freely.

Two ladies shared their personal stories of harrowing sorrow, degradation, shame and heartache and then finally glorious recovery. They spoke of anger, depression, trauma, abuse, resentment, self-pity, abandonment, rejection, and fear. And they also spoke of fresh new hope, vigor, strength, friendship, support, forgiveness, resolve and solace in their sobriety.

Young children and babies were reunited with now sober mothers who had once lost their children to foster care. Mothers and fathers, now in their late 60's and 70's, witnessed grown daughters in their 40's and 50' be honored for their transformation after a lifetime of addiction and dysfunction. Proud school-agers and teens left school early to attend the festivity in honor of their radiant mothers. SO HAPPY were these parents and children -- their faces lit up like holiday lights -- the happiness was palpable, in their eyes, on their faces, in their gait, in their smiles. This was REUNION and RENEWAL for everyone...

As agency staff were introduced, the ladies responded with thunderous hollers, applause, and standing ovations. Counselors, administrators, evaluators, child care workers, parenting advisors, probation officers, judges, police officers...all were present to celebrate this day and all were appreciated. One of the counselors told me "I love my job, been doing this for 12 years. It is a sheer joy for me to be in these ladies' lives. They allow me to love them."

One by one, each graduate was called to the podium by their counselor and each of the ladies received a certificate, commemorative coin and pin, their own copy of The Pinwheel Girl Takes Flight, and a Pinwheel Girl "Find Your Voice" journal. As I presented my gifts to the graduates, and looked into their eyes, I felt transformed myself...my heart shattered into a million pieces...these ladies busted open my heart and made me find more and more room for all their grace and dignity.

As I looked at them, shook their hands, and exchanged more hugs, I thought to myself..."Everyone is more similar than we think even in a situation like this...maybe we are not all addicts -- but don't we all have to recover from something?"

"And don't we all have to recover something that we've lost?"

Every emotion in the human spectrum was palpable in that room and as I witnessed this I saw firsthand how every single woman on this planet is a WOMAN OF WORTH. Every...single...woman.... is a WOMAN of WORTH...even when she is miserably failing.

Every single woman is capable of transformation, of being true to themselves, and of living the life they love and want. Every single woman, no matter what her life experience is, or her external circumstances, has the inner tools to move through transition and into glory. Every single woman, no matter how small or inconsequential our culture, our political systems, our agencies, our legal system, our schools, and our families believe her to be, has the value and the eventual integrity to become what she was meant to become.

Let's not forget this.

For all the Ladies in Sobriety: "...feel yourself ascending...the wind inside you will carry you...it always does...so soar sweetly upward across the sky and into your own magnificence...there the view is beautiful...to get there begin to dream again..."

For more information about Nicasa Women's Services, visit http://www.nicasa.org/
To share the Pinwheel Girls with a woman you know, visit http://www.pinwheelgirls.com/

Warm Winds to You All!